Written on the “Save the Date” announcement for my friends’ wedding is a quote from the crazy-wisdom author, Tom Robbins.
“Love is the ultimate Rebel.”
Love rebels against the way we want Love to be. We want Love to feel like a Care-Bear caught in a freeze-frame, perpetually happy, always smiling. We want Love to feel like the ‘Big Win’ every time. We expect Love to be short lines at the DMV and effortless orgasms at will. It should be well-behaved, but not too predictable. And it should be the life of the party, but not stay out too late.
But, Loves rebels against the very ideas we have about Love. Love is the pain you feel that demands you change course, ‘keep seeking’ and not give up. Love is the suffering that precedes deep personal evolution. Love is the regret you feel that encourages higher more conscious actions in the future. Love is the loss that directs us into cherishing all that we still have. Love is that insatiable yearning that moves us forward and prevents us from becoming stagnant. Love reveals itself in the darkest moments of our life, as the darkness itself.
A while back my teacher said to me, “Lauran, don’t confuse ‘Love’ with something you are going to ‘like’ OR with your personal preferences OR with something that will wake you up gently like your grandma used to. Love is gonna kick your ass, Girl. Love is not here to make you comfortable. Love is here to help you GROW!”
I repeat: Love is here to help us grow.
Love rebels against the weakness in our minds and that’s the revolution that leads to growth. When the mind says, “I can’t”. Love says, “It’s not about you.” When the mind says, “I gotta stop.” Love says, “Keep on.” When the minds say, “That’s impossible.” Love says, “Let me show you the way.” When the mind thinks ‘It’s all about me’, Love says, ‘It’s all about we’.
The growth that love inspires is an expansion of our self to include others. Getting outside of our selfish comfort zone, showing up fully present for another person, engaging relationships with as much concern for the other's heart as we have for our own is totally non-conformist.
It is a maverick move to set down our ‘old rusty me-centered’ ways in exchange for ‘inclusive’ being. It’s totally rebellious to forgive your lover in the middle of an argument. It’s revolutionary to direct the power of your Love into the sole purpose of serving others moment after moment, day after day.
Now what does all this have to do with marriage?
Oh, right. Everything