A Letter to a Stranger

Dear Cyber-Stranger,

After viewing one of my online yoga videos you wrote: "Sweetie, though you look sexy on tape, you better come down to earth now. Stop playing with your dolls and your imaginary friends. Hinduism is a joke and God is not real."

While reading your words I experienced pain - at first my own pain and then yours. So I took you 'in' and held you in my Heart. I sat with you for quite some time.

At first it was challenging. My hurt feelings returned and then receded, returned and receded, again and again. I felt your hurt do the same.

I prayed to recognize myself in you. I prayed to recognize you in myself.

At times I felt violence towards you even though I do not know you. Please forgive me for this. Did you intend to hurt me with your words? I forgive you for that.

I wondered if you are often angry? If your heart has been broken by a lover? By a parent? By the circumstances of your birth? This world can feel so cruel and the pain unbearable. I have been hurt too. I have had my heart broken. I have also broken my own heart.

Part of me told me not to waste my time with you. And another part whispered, "You have everything to gain by inviting him into your Heart."

I prayed for healing for us both.

I prayed that I might recognize your Light.

I bowed to the place in you where Love is boundless.

I celebrated the part of you who chooses actions that heal instead of hurt.

May the eyes of our Hearts be open.

Deep peace to you,

Lauran

Dearest Grace,

I know I have a purpose here
and I know that purpose is great.

I just don't know exactly
what that purpose is yet.

So until I know exactly
what I'm supposed to do,
I'll just Love.

I know I'm good at Loving.

Maybe through my Loving
I'll find what it is I'm to do.

Maybe in my doing of Love
I'll find my purpose.

Or maybe I'll just be Love
and let the "Being of Love"
be purpose enough.

I'm open to suggestions.

Amen.

~Lauran Janes, 2002

Before True or False

Hurry! Hurry!
Let’s take our hands
off the safety bar and ride
this roller coaster.

Let’s tell our brains
to take back seat and let
our spiritual instincts
navigate this place.

Let’s lick the far reaches
of our imaginations and
dive to the underbellies
of our psyches.

Let’s howl at the moon.
Let’s celebrate our fears.
Let’s laugh at all the shit
we hate and embrace
our scars, abuse, and pain.

Let’s re-examine
the infinite beauty
in this finite world:
the way the fuzzy-bellied brown spider
spins his silken matrix between
the star-shaped Sweetgum leaves;
the way he waits patiently, unmoving,
for the blind busy bee to crash
into his sticky web.

Oh, how I relate to that fucking busy bee.

Oh how I strive to be that eight legged Zen master.

Let’s be the Zen masters we once were.
The children we once were before
True or False questions, The Brady Bunch,
straight edges, and school desks warped
our perfect miracles selves.

Let’s fight like hell
(play like hell)
to take back the wonder-filled
beings we once were.
We still are.

Let’s ride this crazy ride
‘til we’re all out
of quarters, then let’s hot wire
the damn thing
and ride it some more…
’til our britches are rubbed thin
and our asses cry for mercy.

Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!

~Lauran Janes, 2006

Happy New Year...12 days after New Year!

Our dear friends Drew and Jillian came to visit us is Nosara, Costa Rica over the holiday.

We did some serious frolicking, beach hiking and surfing (who am I kidding, I 'surf' 18" waves). We body-checked waves, danced in the kitchen, collected sea shells and got weak-kneed over every magical sunset. Basically we were all 5 years old again.

Drew and Evan have been dear friends for many years. Their last adventure was a three month journey through Asia just before Evan and I started dating. Drew’s animated style reminds me of a giant wind-up toy who playfully chases his own shadow until nightfall all while spewing rivers of colorful, rarely-considered, fun-to-argue philosophies. He’s a ball of positive energy.

Jillian is equally radiant with the most loving warm blue eyes. For the last four years she has been a nanny for a wealthy Austin couple and, let me tell you, Mary Poppins has nothing on this woman! The family flew Jillian and Drew to Costa Rica to help with the kids over the Christmas holiday.

Together Jill and Drew took the kids up and down the 'Rich Coast'. They visited an African animal sanctuary, national parks, volcanoes and - the kids favorite - Bouncy Land. Bouncy Land is an inflatable amusement park that stretches in stripes of yellow and red for acres and acres. Think National Park meets McDonald’s-Bouncy-Toy.

As they approached the park the two little girls (4 yrs and 6 yrs) began panting and squealing, pressing their wide-eyed faces against the car windows. They cocked their piggy tails sideways, drooling in momentary disbelief of this bouncy dream-come-true.

“Their joy was uncontrollable,” said Jillian. “They were literally convulsing in rapid waves of ecstasy.”

Drew imitated the little girls body language, reminding me of how our pups look when they catch a sniff of the local p-a-r-k from the back seat of our car...joy literally attacks them from the inside just before they erupt into unstoppable fury bullets of enthusiasm.

May your New Year cause you too to convulse in rapid waves of ecstasy & to erupt into unstoppable bullets of enthusiasm.

Here’s to 2011! Go Life!