Today while I was being tossed like plankton against the oncoming waves of the Pacific, a board under my belly, a storm on the horizon, I was once again introduced to the physical presence of that great Power who repeatedly (with great certainty) tells me, “Lauran, my dear, you are NOT in charge.”
Gotcha. Splash...gurgle...No, really! Gotcha!
I can’t control the ocean. I can only master the art of using the its power to generate a deeper experience of my aliveness.
A similar lesson arises in regards to my emotions. At times I’d like to think that I have total control over these waves, but - noooooope - I am not the source of their undulations.
I think back during a time when I was grieving the tragic murder of dear childhood friend. Grief just took me...way under, like today’s stormy waves. It didn’t matter how much I prayed for the sorrow to end or how much I wished the pain to stop. Grief receded when it was ready to recede and not on my watch.
This leads me to a deep interest in the process of becoming more skillful as I navigate the uncontrollable powers that bring on intense waves of emotion. Daily in my own life and in the lives of friends and students I see the way emotions toss us hither-tither, knock the metaphorical boards from under us and hold us beneath the surface in the dark with salty brains and burning eyes.
So my meditations currently are: how can we become more skillful with the power that sources our emotions? How can we, knowing that we are not in control, grow into graceful “emotional surfers”. How can we learn to harness the power of grief, sadness, bliss, lust, joy, frustration, anger, delight for the ultimate goal of deepening our vitality, creative processes, relationships and service in the world?
After all, every surf session thus far - even the most laborious and taxing - have awakened me to what it means to really be alive: the good, the bad, and the salty!
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